Moloch the Plutocracy: Satanic Actuary Declares Haiti Paid-in-Full

"(Haiti) swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal," Satanic Actuary, Pat Robertson.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - The People of Haiti can rest comfortably knowing their Devil's Pact is now "Paid-in-Full". Pat Robertson, Satin's Actuary, confirmed on a recent broadcast of The 700 Club that they have made all interest and principle payments and the pact had been retired. Robertson added "their large and timely deposits have earned them Platinum status at the Bank of Hell."

Sir Lucifer Beelzebub, Chairman of the Bank of Hell, is admired by banking luminaries for his banks liquidity during the banking crisis. Unlike major American banks, The Bank of Hell did not take TARP money and has been actively lending. "Souls are all consumers have left to leverage, we are very active in this area of asset backed lending," stated Robertson, "We are seeing the return of liars loans as a means of financing all types of excesses."

Reportedly, The Bank of Hell is in discussions with Goldman Sachs Group to package Soul Backed Securities (SBS). Goldman CEO and Grand Master of the Multiverse, Lloyd "BlankCheck" Blankfein claimed, "by packaging subprime souls in a prorated basket of souls the risk of investment is reduced and investors will receive sinful returns at no risk."

Past financial innovation has had limited effect on actual economic growth; a fact confirmed by Paul "Big Paulie" Volker, The Former Chairman of the Not-So-Federal Reserve. Referring to Big Paulie's recent admonishment at the Future of Finance Initiative conference, Blankfein claimed, "This could be the financial innovation that tops the cash machine."

In a statement released by DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of this pamphlet, he offered, "I'm afraid Pat Robertson has once again proven that televangelist are the worst of all belly-crawling life form. We send our prayers to the People of Haiti and trust that the better nature of human kind will prevail."