Quentin Tarantino Announces Next Film Tales of DonJon

Coming to a Cinema Near You!

"The Quality and Manner of Life of that 

Famous Gentleman DonJonVonavich of the Hotel Chelsea."

The Tales of DonJon.

or 

The Dreams of Harry Martini

"Too Long have we Wallowed in the Mires of Mendacity,  

Too Long have we Drunken from the Cesspools of Social Class,

Too Long have we Spelunked in the Anal Caverns of Hypocrisy,

Too Long have we Masturbated at the Banks of Materialism,

Too Long have we Defecated on the Commons of Human Being.

Come my Sancho, Brandish your Rusted Armour, 

Mount your Aged Stead,

Join thy Order of Knight-Errants, For

It is time to Harvest the Marsh of Achievement,

It is time to Flush the Toilet of Status,

It is time to Mount the Mountain of Truth,

It is time to Climax to the Joy of Life,

It is time to Repossess the Commons of Human Dignity..."

From the Tales of DonJon 

BP Using Late Paleocene Period Technology for Mass Extinction

"It has been over a month and our Government of the People has not stopped this terrorist action."  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - In just over a month BP has made major advances in it's plan to develop the first in a series of Island states in the Gulf of Mexico.  "We are deploying technologies developed in the Late Paleocene period 55 million years ago," states Dr. Tony "Oil for Blood" Hayward, Chairman of BP.  The release of frozen methane hydrate from the ocean floor is believed to be the cause of the mass extinction of that period.

"Between the release of 30,000 barrels of crude oil daily, similar quantities of methane hydrate, and 500,000 gallons of Corexit, we will have the area cleared of unproductive lifeforms and a petroleum border foundation laid by the end of the year," states, Hayward.  Last month BP announced a plan for Nation State status, by developing a series of Islands off the cost of major oil consuming nations.  BP ranks twenty third in the list of worlds 150 largest economies.  

Hayward hinted at BP plans in a lecture at Stanford Business School in 2009, declaring, "We had too many people that were working to save the world.  We no longer waste our efforts on such trivial altruism, rather I have all hands focused on developing BP World." 

Working with the Nation State Development Division of Haliburton, BP established Deep Horizon Development in the Gulf of Mexico to manage the construction of the island.  Just as land developers clear cut land based sites of vegetation and wildlife, deep ocean development requires that the waters be similarly cleared.  A 'development bomb' was set off from the Deep Horizon rig that has been slowly laying the foundation for the island.  "We are pleased with the progress," declares Hayward, "by the end of the year the area will cleared of unproductive lifeforms and a petroleum border foundation laid."

Asked for comment, DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, offered, "It has been over a month now and our Government of the People has not stopped this terrorist action."

NOTES:

Alternet - Could the Largest Oil Drilling Catastrophe Also End up the Largest Natural Gas and Climate Disaster in Recent History?

Alternet - Why Aren't We Using the Safest and Most Effective Dispersants in the Gulf?

Huffington Post - BP CEO Hayward, "We had too many people working to save the world."

150 Largest Economies - http://news.mongabay.com/2005/0718-worlds_largest.html

DonJon's Word of the Day - Eristication

DonJon's Word of the Day

Eristication noun - 1. the nature of character that one argues that they are always correct regardless of the facts, (especially convincing to themselves). 2. Enough knowledge with a healthy dose of ignorance makes one an Eristicrat. 

Example Sentence: DonJon has so much Eristication, it makes me hot that he is right about everything!

The Eristicratic Oath

As many moronic, dumb ass, illiterate fools believe, the Eristicratic Oath was not authored by Eristicrates, the Father of Self Important Rhetoric.  It is believed to have been written by the ancient Lie-onian Greek Philosopher, Limbaugoras of Turgid, the founder of Limbaugoreanism.  Limbaugoreans believe that Self Important Rhetoric is the foundation of social truth and justice.

Modern Text of the Eristicratic Oath:

I swear to fulfill, to the best of my unquestionable ability and superior judgment, this covenant:

I will respect the hard-won rhetorical gains of those blathering bellicose fools whose steps I walk, and aggressively share our truthful knowledge with morons, wingnuts, moonbats, dumb asses, illiterati, lobotomites, genetic rubberneckers, and all else that don't agree with me.

I will apply, for the benefit of the stupid and ignorant, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of understatement and rhetorical nihilism.

I will remember that there is art to my obvious brilliance as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may never outweigh the correctness of my opinion.

I will be ashamed to say "I know not," nor will I call in my colleagues when I am unsure of my knowledge, rather make it up with confidence and certainty.

I will never respect the privacy of the cretins that disagree with me, for their stupidity is up to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread carelessly in matters of life and death. If it is given me to that my words may save a life, whatever. But it is also within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility is very cool to have and must be faced with great arrogance and boldness of my own superiority. Above all, I must not only play at God, but, convince others my words are 'of God'.

I will remember that I do not care about poverty charts, or statistical human suffering, but idiotic sick human beings, whose pea brains may affect my life and that of my economic stability. 

I will prevent civil discourse whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to blathering stupidity.

I will remember that I remain true to my social constructions, with special obligations to force them on my fellow human beings, those empty of mind and weak of body as well as the scholarly assholes.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy pomposity and self importance, a legend in my own mind, respected by all while I live and remembered thereafter for my brilliance. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of talking down those who seek to interrupt.

BP Sets Foundation for Nation State in Gulf of Mexico

""If a natural citizen caused destruction on this level they would be prosecuted, convicted, and imprisoned; Should British Petroleum not be held similarly accountable?"  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - In an aggressive move toward nation state status, British Petroleum has begun setting the foundation for a series of Island states off the shore of major oil consuming nations.  The first is currently being developed in the Gulf of Mexico.  British Petroleum ranks twenty third in the list of worlds 150 largest economies, of the total 55 are nation states and 95 are global corporations.  "Nation State status is a natural next step for us," states Dr. Tony "Oil for Blood" Hayward, "Our economy is larger than all but twenty one nations, it is time global corporations like BP declare sovereignty." 

Working with the Nation State Development Division of Haliburton, BP established Deep Horizon Development in the Gulf of Mexico to manage the construction of the island.  Just as land developers clear cut land based sites of vegetation and wildlife, deep ocean development requires that the waters be similarly cleared.  A 'development bomb' was set off from the Deep Horizon rig that has been slowly laying the foundation for the island.  "We are pleased with the progress," declares Hayward, "by the end of the year the area will cleared of unproductive lifeforms and a petroleum border foundation laid."

Asked for comment, DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, offered, "If a natural citizen caused destruction on this level they would be prosecuted, convicted, and imprisoned; Should British Petroleum not be held similarly accountable?"

NOTES:

150 Largest Economies - http://news.mongabay.com/2005/0718-worlds_largest.html

The Holy Randian Church of Profit Founded

"Human progress will remain stagnant until this system is replaced with one that values sustainability, equality, and compassion,"  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Only days after Goldman Sachs O'Money released the sacred text for the most widely accepted 'faith' on Earth, Capitalism, they have announced the formation of the Holy Randian Church of Profit.  Goldman CEO and Grand Master of the Multiverse, Lloyd "BlankCheck" Blankfein claims that the "One True God, Profit," summoned him to the roof of Goldman Sachs Tower in Jersey City, New Jersey and delivered the Ten Commandments of Capitalism.

In a statement released by Goldman, they revealed that "In addition to the Commandments, Our Lord God Profit reveled that Ayn Rand of Greed is the Messiah foretold in the Old Testament, she has risen from the dead to declare she is the 'ego of life, the light to riches, the door to the wolf, the selfish shepherd, the resurrection and greed, the way, the truth, and the life, and the path to Profit.'  We now have our Trinity and our Church."

The Holy Randian Church of Profit declared their "Trinity of Profit" the singular path to economic salvation.  Defined as one God, "The Profit, The Ego, and the Holy Ghost of Mammon," is worshiped as a the Godhead of the church.  In church doctrine, The Holy Ghost of Mammon functions within the monetary system and transfers wealth from the "unwashed masses" through Rand, the Ego, to the Father, Profit.  

Asked for comment, DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, declared, "Rand is cannot even be considered a false prophet, she is merely a 'profit center.'  It is time the People study the economic system that has been taken as gospel for so long.  Profit, as it is defined in our current monetary system, promotes famine, violence, social decay, and ultimately the destruction of the planet.  Human progress will remain stagnant until this system is replaced with one that values sustainability, equality, and compassion." 


Crooks & Liars Friends - Please Leave a Quick Comment - I Need Feedback... TKS, DonJon.

NOTES:

Matt Tiabbi - The Lunatics Who Made a Religion Out of Greed and Wrecked the Economy