Tuesday, August 21, 2012

DonJon Makes 2012 Presidential Run Official in Drunken Announcement









"It’s the end of the world, DonJon knows it."  DonJon.





Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Stammering and slurring on the main stage of MoCarnival 2012, DonJon made his run for the office of President of the United States of America official. The speech, titled DonJon’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame, was read from a make shift teleprompter held by his Campaign Mismanager Alpha Bravo, famed Dalmatian Ninja.

Critics have panned the speech as a “mendacious malady of incoherent bile delivered by a rambling and delusional drunkard seeking withheld maternal adoration from a bored and confused audience.”

Full text of the announcement speech below the fold.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

GOP Revives Reagan Morning in America Theme with Honky Twist





"It’s the end of the world, Donjon knows it. And all chocolate is going down with it."  DonJon.





Chelsea Hotel (MP) - The Romney campaign announced that it will be reviving Ronald Reagan’s famous 1984 campaign theme, “Morning in America.” With the addition of Paul “Ayn” Ryan to the republican ticket the campaign is attempting to solidify it’s conservative base. The new variation on the tried and true theme, “Morning in Honky Town,” is certain to excite Reagan ‘sycop-fans.’

Moloch the Plutocracy's Senior Conservative Reporter, Billy Jim Bob Whitehead, caught up with Vice Presidential hopeful Paul Ryan at the Romney/Ryan campaign headquarters by the ‘White Only’ water cooler.

Billy Jim Bob: “Who are you speaking to with the new campaign message?”

Ryan: “Clearly we feel that America’s best days are behind us. But, not for long. Americans remember the 1950’s when everyone prospered.” The candidate said putting his Confederate Flag Dixie cup under the spout for some cool clear water.

Billy Jim Bob: “So you feel this message speaks to all Americans?”

Ryan: “Of course it does. America is a great melting pot, and our campaign is willing to the hard work of melting it down into a consistently sweet and rich white chocolate. What patriot doesn’t like white chocolate?”

Billy Jim Bob: “What about nuts? I’ve never seen a white chocolate bar with nuts.”

Ryan: “This is true, Billy Jim Bob, nuts are only in milk or dart chocolate.”

Billy Jim Bob: “What is the campaigns stance on milk chocolate?”

Ryan: “As you know Billy Jim Bob, God considers milk chocolate an abomination, especially with nuts.”

Billy Jim Bob: “Dark chocolate has always been a difficult sell in American. What is the campaigns stance on the advancement of dark chocolate?”

Ryan: “Big Government has been subsidizing the dark chocolate industry for a long time at the expense of the budget for white chocolate. Mitt Romney stands by the Mormon values he learned as a child, both dark chocolate and milk chocolate were cursed until 1978 when the LDS church declared that God had removed the curse. Apparently God got himself a little taste of the dark stuff.”

Billy Jim Bob: “Congressman Ryan, that’s all the time we have today. Thank you and we will be following you on the campaign trail.”

Ryan: “You are welcome, anytime.”

Billy Jim Bob: “... Oh, can you direct me to the white bathroom?”

The Bohemian underground is awash with rumors that DonJon Vonavich, Eccentric Editor of Moloch the Plutocracy, will announce his bid for President of the United States at MoCarnival on August 19th. When contacted for comment on what chocolate he prefers, he offered, “It’s the end of the world, Donjon knows it. And all chocolate is going down with it.”



Romney Running Mate Measured for Magic Underpants






"It’s the end of the world, DonJon knows it. And I go commando."  DonJon.




Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Within twenty-four hours of being selected as Mitt “Instert Nickname Here” Romney’s Vice Presidential running mate Paul “Eddie Munster” Ryan was measured for his Mormon Magic Underpants. The temple garments are worn by adherents to the Church of Latter Day Saints to protect them from the evils of the world and liberals.

Although non-Mormons are not typically allowed to wear the garment, church elders have made an exception for Ryan. “The magic nipple twisting ball binders must make it to the White House,” a senior elder exclaimed. “Ryan is a tightie-whitie man, so it’ll take some getting used to for him.”

Not since Nancy Reagan insisted her husband wear pantyhose emblazoned with the Signs of the Zodiac under his suit pants has a President relied on the magic of undergarments to perform their duties. The shame street media has been negligent in demanding that Obama produce a pair of his underwear to prove his garment persuasion. Birther Queen, Orly “Give it Up Bitch” Taitz, has suggested that Obama wears sambazas, the second hand underwear worm by Kenyan men.

The Bohemian underground is awash with rumors that DonJon Vonavich, Eccentric Editor of Moloch the Plutocracy, will announce his bid for President of the United States at MoCarnival on August 19th. When contacted for comment on what magic may swell from his underpants, he offered, “It’s the end of the world, Donjon knows it. And I go commando.”


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnVOK42o4E0




Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Romney Running Mate Measured for Magic Underpants



"It’s the end of the world, DonJon knows it. And I go commando."  DonJon.






Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Within twenty-four hours of being selected as Mitt “Instert Nickname Here” Romney’s Vice Presidential running mate Paul Ryan was measured for his Mormon Magic Underpants. The temple garments are worn by adherents to the Church of Latter Day Saints to protect them from the evils of the world and liberals.

Although non-Mormons are not typically allowed to wear the garment, church elders have made an exception for Ryan. “The magic nipple twisting ball binders must make it to the White House,” a senior elder exclaimed. “Ryan is a tightie-whitie man, so it will take some getting used to for him.”

Not since Nancy Reagan insisted her husband wear pantyhose emblazoned with the Signs of the Zodiac under his suit pants has a President relied on the magic of undergarments to perform their duties. The shame street media has been negligent in demanding that Obama produce a pair  of his underwear to prove his garment persuasion. Birther Queen, Orly “Give it Up Bitch” Taitz, has suggested that Obama wears sambazas, the second hand underwear worm by Kenyan men.

The Bohemian underground is awash with rumors that DonJon Vonavich, Eccentric Editor of Moloch the Plutocracy, will announce his bid for President of the United States at MoCarnival on August 19th. When contacted for comment on what magic may swell from his underpants, he offered, “It’s the end of the world, Donjon knows it. And I go commando.”



Thursday, August 9, 2012

PEE-Pac Dumps Trump in Favor of DonJon Probable Candidacy


"It’s the end of the world, DonJon knows it. "  DonJon.



Chelsea Hotel (MP) - An influential political action committee has lined up in support of the probable 2012 presidential candidacy of DonJon Vonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy. The Bohemian underground is awash with rumors that DonJon will announce his bid for President of the United States at MoCarnival on August 19th. 

Patriots for Early Extinction: Political Action Committee, commonly known as PEE-Pac, announced that it was pulling it’s 2012 presidential endorsement of Donald “Where’s Your Stool Sample?” Turmp in favor of DonJon. 

“You’re Fired, Super Swooper!” a spokesperson for PEE-Pac declared. He added, “Trump Enterprises has been a major promoter of PEE-Pacs commitment to early extinction, but DonJon’s sweeping vision of a future-less America punches our political hot button.”


PEE-Pac has come under fire from conservatives recently for it’s advertising campaign acknowledging the existence of global warming. The campaign’s controversial theme declares, Global Warming is No Hoax —But So What! Global warming promoters have long believed that public acknowledgement of man made climate change could slow the End-Times process.


DonJon continues to refuse to confirm his intentions, stating, “It’s the end of the world, DonJon knows it.”



Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Rumors Fly DonJon to Announce Candidacy at MoCarnival





"It’s the end of the world, DonJon knows it. "  DonJon.


Chelsea Hotel (MP) - The Bohemian underground is awash with rumors that DonJon Vonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, will announce his bid for President of the United States at MoCarnival 2012 on August 19th. DonJon was nominated the 2008 presidential candidate on the Molocratic Party ticket at their convention in Black Rock City. He refused the nomination.

“We have been courting him since Lynette ‘Squeaky’ Fromme withdrew from consideration,” states Bubbie John Daniel, Arm Chairman of the Molocratic National Committee. The Molocratic Party is America’s only Multi-Level-Marketing Political Party. Members are offered New World Order Distributorships that pay residual income on Unlimited Patriot Down-lines up to 13 Colonial Levels deep, and can qualify for Brotherhood Recruiting Bonuses.

The Molocratic Party National Convention is being held this year in Black Rock City during the 2012 Burning Man Festival at the Motropolis official camp.

DonJon is refusing to confirm his intentions, stating, “It’s the end of the world, DonJon knows it.”



You Want More DonJon? 
Read The KING of MO: An Autobiography of a Dream
Episode One: Prelude to a Dream - Now Available on Amazon Kindle
Coming in Trade Paper Back Soon


Limited Edition 2008 Draft DonJon Signed Poster 

Available at MoCarnival 2012

The Butterfly Bar
Sunday, August 19th
3pm - Midnight