By Kyle.
Saturday, August 15, 2020
Saturday, July 11, 2020
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
TRUMPeror Funds Play-Do$h Foundation for the Poors!
TRUMPeror
Funds Play-Do$h
Foundation for the Poors!
Trump Play-Do$h used to “Rebuild Homes,
Lives, and Feed the Poors.”
DonJon 2016 Campaign Responds
By, ROger TurgiD, MO editor.
In Memoriam — Harry Martin
Chelsea Hotel (MP) TRUMPeror Swooptopian has announced a new charitable foundation to support the needs of the “Poors.” The TRUMP Play-Do$h Foundation was established in coordination with Hasbro Corporation to develop a branded Play-Doh product that can be used as currency, food, and building materials.
Katrina Pierson, the spokesperson for the foundation stated, “By putting the TRUMP name on the traditional children's modeling clay, we’ve created a currency of greater value than the ‘lame brain damaged' American Dollar. Unlike Federal Reserve Notes, TRUMP Play-Do$h is non-toxic, non-irritating & non-allergenic to white people and Mr. Trumps’ African-American.”
TRUMP Play-Do$h is a fiat currency backed by the Bank of China and redeemable at Goldman Sachs affiliated banks everywhere for .94764783 Sub-2008 Mortgage Backed Securities (Sub2008s), Beanie Babies, or TRUMP ‘pre-grown’ Chia Pets.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
“tWAaaaaat?
TRUMP!
TRUMPeror?”
Mysterious DonJon tWAt Decimates Twitterverse
DonJon 2016 Presidential Bid Uncertain
By, Roger Turgid, MO editor.
In Memoriam — Harry Martini
Chelsea Hotel (MP) The 2016 American Presidential campaign is in full backswing, and DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, has yet to announce. After his defeat in 2012, DonJon retreated to the Multiverse to resume his cross-dimensional quest for “the singularity, the unknowable, and MO!”
Today DonJon broke his silence with a single mysterious tweet surfacing from his twitter account, @modonjon.
In 2008 and 2012 DonJon ran for President of the United States America, or as he prefers to call it, “the Slimmest Office in the Land.” DonJon was expected to run in 2016, but the tweet brings into question his whereabouts. He was last known to be in the 7TH Dimension of the Multiverse, or the Egoverse as the Higgs-boson media refers to it.
DonJon’s former Chelsea “comrade” and inter-dimensional doppelganger, Kyle, proffered this statement, “If DonJon never enters the 3RD again, it’ll be too damn soon.” Kyle has traditionally and “unwillingly” given up his seat in the 3RD Dimension for DonJon’s presidential campaign.
The cryptic tweet is being analyzed by InterDimensional Twitter Experts (ITwit) for translation, authentication, and tweet of origin.
tWAt from Egoverse/7TH dimension by YUgh Ego @RealDonaldTRUMP stuck 2ND #ChelseaHotel MO!bodies dropping @hillaryClinton Help #FlatDonJon2016— DonJon Vonavich (@MoDonJon) August 18, 2016
In 2008 and 2012 DonJon ran for President of the United States America, or as he prefers to call it, “the Slimmest Office in the Land.” DonJon was expected to run in 2016, but the tweet brings into question his whereabouts. He was last known to be in the 7TH Dimension of the Multiverse, or the Egoverse as the Higgs-boson media refers to it.
The cryptic tweet is being analyzed by InterDimensional Twitter Experts (ITwit) for translation, authentication, and tweet of origin.
BREAKING NEWS: DonJon tweet a tWAt!
InterDimensional Twitter Experts (ITwit) announced their initial findings on the mysterious tweet from DonJon. They report, with 92.6% certainty, the tweet was actually a “dead man’s tWAt” from the 7TH Dimension. ITwit explains, “a dead man’s tWAt is the alert switch on a Lorentzian traversable wormhole that releases red-alert warnings when an Interdimensional traveler is forced from one dimension to another.”
“A study of the chemtrails left by the tWAt led from the 7TH back to the 2ND Dimension,” claims ITwit experts, “it appears he was ejected from the Egoverse by the ruling Egos.” They further confirmed that DonJon is somewhere in the Chelsea Hotel in 2-dimensional form.
The ITwit findings throw into question his appearance in the 3RD Dimension during the 2016 Presidential Campaign season. InterDimensional political analyst, Roger TuRgid claimed, “DonJon cannot run from the 2ND without a 3RD Dimensional doppleganger. It’s basic inter-dimensional politics.”
MO!
DonJon 2016 Campaign Diary
POST #1: 10:12:56:pt Ivanka 21, 1BTE
A TRUMPire Declared.
He walked a slow consenting cadence and politely applauded his perfect heir apparent, after a two-cheek air-kiss, with her willing obedience he commanded her hips front-and-square and gave her a gentle patriarchal pat, above, in a towering gilt tsarist-bold font was his five letter name —TRUMP— cowering below was a crowded row of desperate and defeated american flags standing in conscription to the Advancing TRUMPire, the TRUMPeror declared, “I alone can TRUMP it.”
A spray-tanned-fair-haired-man-clown-child branded the party of “Honest” Abe Lincoln his today. The old-guard cast aside, replaced by a praetorian gaggle of imperious lieutenants, shifty-tongued surrogates, and pig-shit-nervous coat-tail politicians, he “humbly” declared TRiUMPh over the right~O~wing of the American two-party Plutocracy.
“Such was the beginning of the Billion Year TRUMPire,” DonJon.
Stay tuned for more of DonJon's 2016 Campaign Diary
Stay tuned for more of DonJon's 2016 Campaign Diary
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
DonJon 2016 Campaign Diary - Post #2
DonJon 2016 Campaign Diary
Post #2: 10:12:56:pt Ivanka 21, 1BTE
“The combover is cast, believe me.” dRUMPfus, June 16, 2015.
On June 16, 2015, NarCissus Germanicus dRUMPfus descended the gilt-n-orange Republicon escalator and declared his intention to pursue conquest over the American Plutocracy and return the Republic to “the real Americans.”
“From that day, with swift and certain mendacious incivility, he chased the Legions of Priebus right, left, south, north, west and east to a final and bitter end at the Battle of Clevelandia.” Hannityus, Imperial Historian of the 1ST TRUMPian TRUMPire.
At the Republican National Convention, in seventy-four fear-heaving minutes, TRUMP spewed 5,157 words of shrill pursed-lipped tele-prompted TRUMPoratory that ended “Morning in America” and brought forth a new “House Divided.” America was no longer a “shining city on a hill,” rather, one would surmise, “a steaming turd in a dumpster fire” that only TRUMP alone could put out.
Declaring himself TRUMPeror TheDonaldCaesar NarcissusAmericanus Swooptopian, dRUMPfus rode TRiUMPhant out of the Quicken, Give-Me-Your-Fucking-Cash Colosseum, wearing a golden combover of diamond encrusted laurel (fake Harry Winston, of course), and the TRiUMPhal Angelo Donghia purple and gold embossed Louis the XIV toga picta.
“Mistake the clown for the crown at your peril.” DonJon.
Following in frothing fomenting formation toward the inevitable conquest of the American Plutocracy:
Legio tertia decima Alba Racistia, the 13th Old White Racist Legion: A plebiscite of obedient helmet-headed-gun-sucking white-angry militiamen determined to “take back the country” for themselves.
Following safely in tow were the Legio Primo Hypocritae quia Jesus, The First Hypocrites for Jesus Legion, or the JesieCrites as they are known in the higgs-boson-media.
along with a
fawning host of bourgeoisie TRUMPerterians marching in step to the Weimar Republic Marching Band.
Coming Next- The Plutocracy Defended
Buy Episode One of Greatest Series to Come out of the Multiverse
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Global Warming Out of Retirement, Top Contender for 2012 GDF Belt
Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Global Warming, who claimed to be going into retirement from global destruction competition after racking up an impressive 15,000 American warm temperature records in March, is back. According to data from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, or NOAA, the globe recorded its warmest September on record, tying Global Warming’s own 2005 record. In addition, Global Warming pummeled Arctic Ice Cap in it’s annual summer bout bringing the ice to it’s knees and nearly taking it out of competition for good.
"You really thought I’d stay in retirement?" stated Global Warming, adding, "I'm the greatest global destroyer since Asteroid Impact won the belt in the Cretaceous-Paleogene Extinction Main Event back in 65ma ."
Now that Global Warming is officially out of retirement, it’s considered the leading contender to take the planet out in the Global Destruction Federation's (GDF) upcoming Mayan Prophesies 2012 Main Event. Global Warming’s return to competition has bumped Nuclear Fallout from the top seed in the GDF rankings.
In an interview with Famine, the retired antediluvian global destroyer, now an anchor on ESPN's Apocalypse Center, Nuclear Fallout claimed, “I was just sparring with Fukushima. With the nuclear arms race heat'in back up, Global Warming ain’t got noth’in on me.”
Since 2008 Societal Collapse has shown renewed vigor in pursuit of the GDF belt. Societal Collapse holds multiple championship titles including it’s unforgettable annihilation of the Mycenaean Kingdom, the Hittite Empire, and the New Kingdom of Egypt for the Bronze Age Collapse Title. It’s not surprising that Societal Collapse would return for the 2012 competition considering its destruction of the Mayan civilization in the Classic Maya Collapse Title bout.
“Societal Collapse can never be counted out,” states Famine. “It’s been misunderstood and underestimated for millennia. I think we’re seeing hints of a return in the ongoing European Union bout. Societal Collapse is known to sneak up on its opponents.”
Monday, October 15, 2012
Obama Operative Breaks into DonJon 2012 Headquarters Film Reveals
DonJon’s campaign has been markedly silent in the past weeks working on their next move which included the deployment of the top-secret vehicle. The video does not disclose the inner workings of the modified bicycle trailer, but sources confirm that it includes stealth satellite-blocking technology, a explosive-resistant carbon-fiber casing, and early 90’s mobile phone technology.
The authenticity of the video has been confirmed.
2:50 pm 10-16-12: BREAKING UPDATE: It has just been reported to Moloch the Plutocracy that DonJon's campaign cowboy hat was heisted during the break-in. His "was to be famous" chapeau was adorned with his red, white, and blue dread locks and a matching bandanna bow in back. Because of it's unique power of persuasive visual rhetoric, it's understandable that the hat would be a target of the Obama plumbers that have been fingered for the break-in.
The Huygens Explicator Dances to Decidedly Conservative Diddy
Read the Full Article Here
'The Full Biden' New Obamacare Requirement
Chelsea Hotel (MP)- During the Vice Presidential debate between Joe “DJ Gaffe Master” Biden and Paul “Voters Shrugged” Ryan the issue of a new requirement in the Affordable Care Act, commonly referred to as Obamacare, took Ryan, the media, and viewers by surprise. The procedure called the ‘Full Biden’ is required coverage for all small business provided health insurance programs. Considered a wellness requirement by Obama death panel czars, the procedure gives the patient an affable ageless appearance, including shit eating grin and shifty squinting eyes.
The revelation came when Biden summoned the Greek God of Eternal Youth and Blank Stares, Botoxus, during a discussion on Medicare. Ryan brought up the $716 billion in Medicare savings that was shifted to Obamacare when Biden raised his arms and declared, “God, deliver us from the mendacious malarky.” The hand of Botoxus appeared from above and gave the Vice President an injection smoothing the crows feet that had deepened as the debate had dragged on.
Startled, Ryan turned his Romney Ryan 2012 baseball cap backwards and said, “Bro, that’s a whole new entitlement this country cannot afford.” Ryan proceeded to explain that his medicare voucher proposal would allow seniors to summon Botoxus if they choose, but they would have to forego other benefits such as the cherry filling in the Part D donut hole.
Asked for comment, the DonJon 2012 End-of-the-World campaign provided a statement, “The time has come to end all this trivial idiocy and look to the futureless future for the answer to Humanity's ills.”
Friday, October 12, 2012
Excitement On Par With Sporting Spectacle at First Presidential Debate
"It could be said that the first Presidential Debate was as exciting as the annual Continental Cup of Curling, and ask any of my closest acquaintances, I love the Continental Cup of Curling. I’ll never forget the showdown in 2002, when North America took the Cup as the Canadian team of Kevin Martin and his sweepers won decidedly over the Swedish team in the skins game."Read the full article here.
We Welcome The Huygens Explicator to Our Blogroll
A SPECIAL NOTE TO OUR READERS FROM OUR
ECCENTRIC PUBLISHER
MoReaders: |
| Christopher Huygens, Editor and Publisher of The Huygens Explicator |
The Huygens Explicator is committed to giving the readers the in-depth analysis they deserve of the most pressing issues society faces today. We will not take the easy path of simplified rhetoric or hesitate to address the sensitive topics that may come up from time to time. As the standard bearer of excellent social, political, and ethical analysis The Huygens Explicator will bring a variety of views which provide deep and thoughtful insight on a wide range of concerns. We are glad to provide the reader with our vital services and hope everyone takes full advantage of this valuable resource.Give our friends at The Huygens Explicator a look see. Thank you, I am
sincerely,
DonJon Vonavich.
Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Corporations Seek Designation as Species
Chelsea Hotel (MP)- Not satisfied with being designated “persons” under the Fourteenth Amendment of the United States Constitution, a consortium of wealthy corporate citizens are aggressively petitioning the International Commission on Zoological Nomenclature (ICZN) to be designated their own species under the name Homo corporatus.The Global Organization for the Designation of Specieshood, Inc., or GODS for short, has been concerned about the recent spate of corporate bashing and class warfare coming from the "lowest order of Homo sapiens" throughout the developed world.
“It’s time for our taxonomic designation to change; we are not Sapiens,” stated Walmart “Sir Wally GX” G.E. ExxonMobil, Chairman and Chief Spokesperson for GODS. “Homo Corportus has a far greater intellect, are far more efficient procreators, and are at the top of the food chain. We can, and will, consume everything on the planet, and no other species can stop us, including our little Sapien cousins,” Sir Wally GX added firmly.
The United States Supreme Court has shown significant deference to GODS petition of species designation for Homo corportus through numerous rulings, including the recent Citizens United decision. The decision turned over one hundred years of financial repression by Homo sapiens.
“The Jim Crow Inc. campaign finance regulations that Sapiens used to stop Homo corportus from speaking at the polls have ended,” declared Supreme Court Justice Clarence “Silent Minority” Thomas.
Republican Nominee for President, Mitt “Insert Nickname Here” Romney, commented on GODS petition for corporate specieshood, “I stand corrected. Corporations are not people, they are a species unto themselves, my friend.”
The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has been rushing to update environmental regulations to protect the Homo corporatus habitat in the event the designation is approved. “There are numerous species that have endangered the habitat of Homo corporatus. One of the most egregious offenders is Strix occidentalis, commonly known as the Spotted Owl,” stated an EPA spokesperson. “That Owl is a real asshole.”
Read
The KING of MO: An Autobiography of a Dream
Now in trade paperback
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Win Free Books - Stupid Comment Contest
Hello MotP Readers:
Roger Turgid here, Editor at Very Large of Moloch the Plutocracy. If you haven’t noticed, my boss, DonJon Vonavich, Eccentric Publisher of this rag, is out of his mind... Literally. But as his editor he relies on me to report the news as he sees it (not as I see it, I’m just paid to edit this dumb-ass shit), and relay his wishes to you. DonJon has asked me to reach out to our readers to find those of like-mindlessness.
So, with the mission clearly stated and a strong commitment to a paycheck, I announce the first ever (in-mind drum roll):
Here’s how it works: Post your comment to any MotP article within 72 hours of the posting date and we will vote on the stupidest comment made. There are no limits to your stupidity (but, you already know that). The winner of each stupid post contest will receive a free trade-paperback book of their choice from the Molocratic Press catalog.
Roger Turgid here, Editor at Very Large of Moloch the Plutocracy. If you haven’t noticed, my boss, DonJon Vonavich, Eccentric Publisher of this rag, is out of his mind... Literally. But as his editor he relies on me to report the news as he sees it (not as I see it, I’m just paid to edit this dumb-ass shit), and relay his wishes to you. DonJon has asked me to reach out to our readers to find those of like-mindlessness.
So, with the mission clearly stated and a strong commitment to a paycheck, I announce the first ever (in-mind drum roll):
WRITE DUMB SHIT - WIN FREE BOOKS
DonJon Releases End-of-the-World Campaign Apologia... Ah, Book
NOTICE: THIS DOCUMENT HAS BEEN REDACTED BY HOMELAND SECURITY
For Immediate Release
Handled Messiahs Public Relations
Harry Martini, PRG
DonJon Releases End-of-the-World Campaign Apologia... Ah, Book
In an effort to persuade voters in the 2012 presidential election to support his 2012 End-of-the-World campaign, DonJonVonavich has release a compilation of his breath-taking oratory, cock-hardening political journalism, and award-seeking documentary graphics. The book, titled Moloch the Plutocracy ~or~ How the MoRevolution will sink the ship, break the bank, and fuck the trophy wife (or husband) of the 1%, is available both in black and white text and full-color graphic versions exclusively from The Molocratic Press.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Join DonJon on Twitter
|
Netanyahu Solicits Wile E. Coyote to Stop Iranian Nuclear Threat
Chelsea Hotel (MP)- Prime Minister Benjamin “Bebe Rebozo” Netanyahu of Israel introduced his latest genius plan to catch the elusively fast Iranian Nuclear Ahmadinejad, the Persian desert rat distantly related to Speedy Gonzales, "The Fastest Mouse in all Mexico." In a speech to the annual General Assembly, Mr. Netanyahu introduced Wile E. Coyote who unfurled a diagram from the Acme Corporation with the schematic of a bomb. Mr. Coyote smirked and pointed as the Israeli Prime Minister read the instructions provided by Acme to the leaders of the world.It is uncertain why Mr. Netanyahu is determined to catch the nuclear rat, but he has purchased numerous contraptions from the Acme Corporation for that purpose. Early in the year Mr. Netanyahu deployed rocket-powered roller skates that ran away with him and couldn’t be stopped. This was after a failed attempt to stop Ahmadinejad with a giant Acme kite kit that included nitroglycerin and a detonator that blew him into a smoldering mess before crashing to the ground.
Middle East experts viewed the introduction of Mr. Coyote as a softening of his hard-line stance toward the Obama administration regarding Ahmadinejad. As a native of the American West, it is believed that Mr. Coyote was brought in to lobby the Obama administration to open the Acme catalog of Military Industrial Complex products to Mr. Netanyahu. Acme Corporation has been a major contributor to the Obama 2012 campaign.
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