Judge Over Rules Military "It's Only Gay if You Take it" Policy

"It is hard to believe that people are still judging personal sex lives?  Get over it children, it is all very normal."  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - A federal judge issued a worldwide injunction Tuesday immediately stopping enforcement of the military's long held policy on homosexuality, "it's only gay if you take it."  The ruling allows those that take it in-the-ass to openly serve their fellow troops.  U.S. District Judge Virginia "Fag Hag" Phillips' landmark ruling also ordered the government to allow federal workers to take it in-the-ass openly.  She stated, "their are givers and takers in every exchange, now the 'ass-takers' can publicly and patriotically be reamed." 


The Chairman of The Joint Chiefs of Staff, Adm. Mike "Butt Sniffer" Mullen, the military's top uninformed officer, decried the decision, "The American People don't have a right to know they have... ah hum... who has been taking it in-the-ass from the Joint Chiefs."  The President, Barak "Hopie" Obama, supported the ruling.  Speaking to an assembly of The Union of Federal Ass-takers in Government Service (U-FAGS) stated, "U-FAGS can now proudly and openly take it in-the-ass for the country."  Laughing he added, "I understand, I have privately taken it in-the-ass many times since becoming President... like the entire health care lobby."

U.S. Department of Justice attorneys have 60 days to appeal. Pentagon and Department of Justice officials said they are reviewing the case and had no immediate comment.  The injunction goes into effect immediately, said Dan "Lumbering" Woods, the attorney who represented the Log Cabin Republican Ass-Takers for Christ, the right wing Christian fundimentalist ass-takers rights group that filed the lawsuit in 2004 to stop the policy's enforcement.

"'It's only gay if you take it,' is done, and the government is going to have to come up with another qualifier for gayness," Woods said. "This is an extremely significant, historic decision. Once and for all, this failed policy is stopped. Fortunately now we hope all Americans who wish to take it-in-the-ass for their country can do so openly."

Supporters of the policy said Phillips overstepped her bounds.  "The judge ignored the evidence to impose her ill-informed and biased opinion on our military, endangering morale, health and security of our military at a time of occupation of oil rich territory in the Middle East," said Wendy "No K-Y for me"  Wright, Sphincter Monitor of Concerned Women for America Who Want Even Touch Their Own Ass, a women's group on public ass-taking policy. 

Defense Secretary Robert Gates, has said he supports lifting the "it's only gay if you take it" policy. But Gates also has said he prefers to move slowly, "I don't take it, I give it, and good, very good and slow in-the-ass."  Gates has ordered a sweeping study, due Dec. 1, that includes a survey of troops and their families regarding in-the-ass habits, "The study is exciting.  I am looking forward to knowing if they likes it in-the-ass... yes, do they like it in-the-ass... tell me, tell how much they like it in-the-ass."

In a statement released by DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of the Pamphlet, he stated, "It is hard to believe that people are still judging personal sex lives?  Get over it children, it is all very normal." 

NOTES:

New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/10/12/us/AP-US-Gays-in-Military.html?_r=1&hp