Beck Commands Lobotomites to Declare War on Human Progress

"Mr. Beck needs to stuff this language back where it came from," DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Glenn "LobotoMary" Beck has commanded the Lobotomites to start a war on Human Progress.  The Lobotomites are Beck's lobotomized hoard of worshipful followers.  Beck commands the Lobotomites from his bunker at Foxy Newsy "hows that working out for ya" Network.

Foxy Newsy is owned by Lord Rupert "Long Heaps" Murdoch.  In an effort to control the Mis-information Industry, Murdoch invested in technology to perform surgical lobotomies via cable.  The procedure is technically termed a Media-Delivered Surgical Lobotomy, referred to in the Mis-Information Industry as a Media-botomy.  

Beck creates his ideas each morning by, "pounding his head and vomiting for four hours."  He claims the ritual connects him to his higher self, "I once used Everclear to find enlightenment, now I can induce it on command."   

He pronounced at the Conservative Fucked Up Dead Genetic Enders Political Action Committee (CFUDGE-PAC) Conference that, "Progressives are a disease."  The CFUDGE-PACers and Lobotomites yelped with delight when Beck brought out his Magic Chalkboard and commanded them to, "bleed the disease from their veins."  Apparently, conservative medicine has not progressed beyond Therapeutic Phlebotomy (bloodletting).

A Statement released by DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, offers, "History is ripe with those that think progress is the enemy of Human Being.  This opinion has merit in civil discourse, but this is not discourse and certainly not civil.  Mr. Beck needs to stuff this language back where it came from." 

NOTES:

1. Crooks and Liars - http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/glenn-becks-eliminationist-attacks-p
2. Houston Examiner - Glen Beck says progressives must be eradicated 
3. Alternet - Is Glen Beck Breeding Domestic Violence?