Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Goldman in Titanic Struggle to Foreclose on Greek Pantheon

"These bank-holes should be reamed, pounded and thrown out with the trash,"  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Recent reports from Athens, Greece confirm that Goldman Sachs O'Money is in foreclosure proceedings on the Greek Pantheon of Gods.  The Twelve Olympians have occupied the Greek Pantheon on Mount Olympus since the 7th Century BC.  "This is the only home we have known," states Zeus, King of the Gods, "It is especially hard on Hera, she had to go to work outside the Pantheon during the last recession." 

The Olympians purchased the Greek Pantheon from the Titans at the peak of the Pantheon bubble. Pantheon values have dropped by 30% since the beginning of the Great Banker Recession.

"The Olympians are in default," claims Goldman CEO and Grand Master of the Multiverse, Lloyd "BlankCheck" Blankfein.  "Zeus understood the terms, this is about personal responsibility," says Blankfien, "The Olympians have not changed with the times.  Seriously, Poseidon is still doing his old hippocampus show.  Demeter hasn't upgraded to corporate agricultural standards. Hephaestus  is still a blacksmith; seriously, metal work is all sourced out of China now.  The rest of them are just artists, lovers and boozers and don't produce an income.  Christ, even Hestia is still a virgin," rails Blankfien.

Blankfien confirmed rumors that Hades, Zeus' brother, has taken a position with Goldman, stating "Hades is a hell of a banker."  Hades, formerly Lord of the Dead and God of the Underworld, was appointed President of Goldman Sachs O'Money Pantheon Recapitalization Fund, "He is re-capitalizing the world Pantheon market after the bubble," states Blankfien, "We expect another round of huge fees and bonuses."  

It is uncertain what Goldman Sachs O'Money will do with the repossessed Greek Pantheon.  "We are considering a Pantheon of Financial Masters of the Multiverse," offers Blankfien, "Obviously, We control everything, are given huge sacrificial offerings, held blameless for our failures, and the People pray at our feet for financial salvation. It's the natural next step."

Asked for comment, DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, offered, "These bank-holes should be reamed, pounded and thrown out with the trash!  And ultimately the People will do just that." 


New York TimesWall St. Helped to Mask Debt Fueling Europe’s Crisis

Huffington Post - JPMorgan Bombing: Bomb Explodes At Bank Offices In Athens

Greeks Riot Over Nation's Financial Crisis

Wikipedia - Twelve Olympians 

1 comment:

  1. Hi, some have found my comment about the Bank-holes rude. Please note that I don't advocate rectum vengeance, as much as you might enjoy it. I am referring to the system rather than the individuals. Not that they don't deserve a bit of their own medicine, a little ass fucking could do them good. DonJon.