Beck Commands Lobotomites to Declare War on Human Progress

"Mr. Beck needs to stuff this language back where it came from," DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Glenn "LobotoMary" Beck has commanded the Lobotomites to start a war on Human Progress.  The Lobotomites are Beck's lobotomized hoard of worshipful followers.  Beck commands the Lobotomites from his bunker at Foxy Newsy "hows that working out for ya" Network.

Foxy Newsy is owned by Lord Rupert "Long Heaps" Murdoch.  In an effort to control the Mis-information Industry, Murdoch invested in technology to perform surgical lobotomies via cable.  The procedure is technically termed a Media-Delivered Surgical Lobotomy, referred to in the Mis-Information Industry as a Media-botomy.  

Beck creates his ideas each morning by, "pounding his head and vomiting for four hours."  He claims the ritual connects him to his higher self, "I once used Everclear to find enlightenment, now I can induce it on command."   

He pronounced at the Conservative Fucked Up Dead Genetic Enders Political Action Committee (CFUDGE-PAC) Conference that, "Progressives are a disease."  The CFUDGE-PACers and Lobotomites yelped with delight when Beck brought out his Magic Chalkboard and commanded them to, "bleed the disease from their veins."  Apparently, conservative medicine has not progressed beyond Therapeutic Phlebotomy (bloodletting).

A Statement released by DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, offers, "History is ripe with those that think progress is the enemy of Human Being.  This opinion has merit in civil discourse, but this is not discourse and certainly not civil.  Mr. Beck needs to stuff this language back where it came from." 

NOTES:

1. Crooks and Liars - http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/glenn-becks-eliminationist-attacks-p
2. Houston Examiner - Glen Beck says progressives must be eradicated 
3. Alternet - Is Glen Beck Breeding Domestic Violence?

Right-to-life Futures Surge on Unalienable Rights Mercantile Exch

"How can our representatives dawdle while lives are at stake?" DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Right-to-life futures surged on the Unalienable Rights Mercantile Exchange (RiteX) after the White House bipartisan health care summit.  The price of 90 year maturity Right-to-life Futures Contracts (90-Lives) jumped 21% by the closing bell on Friday.  Traders were betting on the failure of health care legislation to protect citizens unalienable right-to-life.  90-Lives futures contracts price the likelihood of citizens living beyond 90 years.

At the RiteX Opening Bell the price of 90-Lives Futures Contracts were $19,821.21, by the closing they had jumped to $20,230.21.  Right-to-life Commodities Trader, Rufus Tufus, was in the trading pit, "None'a these fools gonna live to 90... we in da money, Dog... crazy fuck'rs ain't gonna reform no health care!  CHA CHING Mu'thur Fuck'rrr."

RiteX Commissioner, Former President George "Waterboy" Bush, stated, "he he, free markets...  he he, they will price life... only way... freedom, free markets... right Dick... Dick... DICK, where did Dick go?"

In a related statement, DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, offered, "Life is not a commodity.  This is a civil rights issue on the magnitude of American slavery, 45,000 die each year from lack of health care.  How can our representatives dawdle while lives are at stake?" 

NOTES:

1. New York Times - http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/26/health/policy/26health.html?ref=us
2. Crooks & Liars - "Let them Eat Applesauce," Limbaugh

Goldman in Titanic Struggle to Foreclose on Greek Pantheon

"These bank-holes should be reamed, pounded and thrown out with the trash,"  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Recent reports from Athens, Greece confirm that Goldman Sachs O'Money is in foreclosure proceedings on the Greek Pantheon of Gods.  The Twelve Olympians have occupied the Greek Pantheon on Mount Olympus since the 7th Century BC.  "This is the only home we have known," states Zeus, King of the Gods, "It is especially hard on Hera, she had to go to work outside the Pantheon during the last recession." 

The Olympians purchased the Greek Pantheon from the Titans at the peak of the Pantheon bubble. Pantheon values have dropped by 30% since the beginning of the Great Banker Recession.

"The Olympians are in default," claims Goldman CEO and Grand Master of the Multiverse, Lloyd "BlankCheck" Blankfein.  "Zeus understood the terms, this is about personal responsibility," says Blankfien, "The Olympians have not changed with the times.  Seriously, Poseidon is still doing his old hippocampus show.  Demeter hasn't upgraded to corporate agricultural standards. Hephaestus  is still a blacksmith; seriously, metal work is all sourced out of China now.  The rest of them are just artists, lovers and boozers and don't produce an income.  Christ, even Hestia is still a virgin," rails Blankfien.

Blankfien confirmed rumors that Hades, Zeus' brother, has taken a position with Goldman, stating "Hades is a hell of a banker."  Hades, formerly Lord of the Dead and God of the Underworld, was appointed President of Goldman Sachs O'Money Pantheon Recapitalization Fund, "He is re-capitalizing the world Pantheon market after the bubble," states Blankfien, "We expect another round of huge fees and bonuses."  

It is uncertain what Goldman Sachs O'Money will do with the repossessed Greek Pantheon.  "We are considering a Pantheon of Financial Masters of the Multiverse," offers Blankfien, "Obviously, We control everything, are given huge sacrificial offerings, held blameless for our failures, and the People pray at our feet for financial salvation. It's the natural next step."

Asked for comment, DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, offered, "These bank-holes should be reamed, pounded and thrown out with the trash!  And ultimately the People will do just that." 

NOTES:

New York Times - Wall St. Helped to Mask Debt Fueling Europe’s Crisis
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/14/business/global/14debt.html?hp

Huffington Post - JPMorgan Bombing: Bomb Explodes At Bank Offices In Athens

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/16/jp-morgan-bombing-bomb-ex_n_464128.html

Greeks Riot Over Nation's Financial Crisis: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/03/05/greeks-riot-over-nations_n_487835.html

Wikipedia - Twelve Olympians 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_pantheon

DonJon Releases State of the MoUnion

"I believe that this union is strong and willful and honest and caring and ultimately persuasive in the long and painful advancement of Being Human," DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy has issued his annual State of the MoUnion Address, a response to The President of the United States of American, Barack "Hopie" Obama.  Because DonJon claims to be "on the lamb" from Homeland Security, the speech was delivered at an undisclosed location.

A video statement speaks to the Union of Human Being, but offers no specifics on the advancement of the ideals outlined the speech.  When asked for more details, Harry Martini, publicist to DonJonVonavich, offered chuckling, "Specifics... You want specifics?  How much time do you have?  DonJon picks more ideas out of his nose than Hopie will have in his lifetime!"  

Below is the Video & Full Transcript:

Madam Shaman, Vice Molochster Martini, Members of the MoBoho Congress, Fellow Molochsters, Artists, and Seekers of Truth, Beauty and Love.

In the course of history, from time to time, the People have stood up to declare their Right of Human Being. One such moment is evidenced by a simple truth scribed on parchment in a small room in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania by a young Patriot of the Enlightenment. That Human Being had evolved to an Understanding of Mutual Equality, of Mutual Purpose, and of Mutual Pursuit; that this Understanding be guided by the Natural Laws and Unalienable Rights of Man and Nature; that this Understanding be formalized in the meager words available; that this Understanding be the purpose of a Union of Free People.

The seed of the American Union has harvested a great bounty for Human Being, democratic republican government, equality of the races, and global communication. But of singular importance, because of this union Mankind is one step closer to Being Human. But this American Union has faltered in the pursuit of this Understanding; Institutions have been constructed and recognized to have the natural rights afforded by this Understanding; Institutions that seek the domination of Man and Nature in defiance of this Understanding.

We the people that seek a more Human Being, know the truth of this Understanding, that the Natural Laws and Unalienable Rights of Man and Nature ordain no declaration, no charter or no constitution greater than the Sovereign Right of Being Human. That the only Union that is inevitable, persistent, and enduring is the Union of Human Being. A Union guided by the Universal Principle of Being Human, To treat those among us as we would be treated. A Union that affords no institution of government, religion or commerce the deep obligation that is ours alone, of Being Human.

It is this Union of Human Being of which the state we should be concerned.  

I believe that this Union is strong and willful and honest and caring and ultimately persuasive in the long and painful advancement of Being Human.  I believe that the lesser unions will stand down when the Union of Human Being stands up.  I believe it is this Union of Human Being which we must hold our Ultimate Allegiance.  

This Union of Human Being is bound supreme to the single law abiding in the deep well of Humanity; A law that is ever-present, all powerful, and infinitely wise.  A law that transcends the flawed and fractured languages; A law that is the truth, the meaning, and the purpose; A law that is evident in a billion beautiful acts, in a million loving communities, in a thousand lonesome moments of Being Human. It is in these lonesome moments that we are all one, that our desire know no language, no pursuit, and no love other than that of Being Human.

THANK YOU...

Virgin Probe Spotted Retreating from Urvaginus

"We have a gentleman's agreement; I will probe Urvaginus first,"  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - MoBoho University Asstronomers spotted a mysterious X-shaped probe beating a hasty retreat from Urvaginus trailing Interstellar Spermal Streamers. Close inspection of the image, captured by NASA's Hubble Telescope, indicates that the probe may be property of Virgin Intergalactic, owned by Sir Richard “The De-Virginator” Branson. If true, the penetration of Urvaginus and premature retraction would be a breech of contract with DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy over landing rights to the Planet.

Asstronomers at MoBoho University recently discovered the Planet nestled in the Tain'tisphere of Uranus. DonJonVonavich, MoBoho Dean of Students, dubbed the new planet "Urvaginus," and hailed it a "Life Affirming Discovery." Adding, "Trust me, I will live long enough to land this Mons Pubis laden Planet."

Within weeks of the discovery, DonJon announced a joint venture with Branson to land an Interstellar Probe on Urvaginus. The New Corporation, MoVirgin Inter-Urvaginus, was incorporated and Branson dedicated his largest Probe to the project. Initial tests of his Probe resulted in premature fuel tank ejaculation. DonJon is scheduled to led an Expeditionary Battalion of Certified Vagina Whisperers, known as the Fighting Carpet Munchers, to land Urvaginus.

It is uncertain if this announcement will jeopardize the expedition. "I respect Branson as a leader in tapping Virgin territory," stated DonJon, "But, we have a gentleman's agreement; I probe Urvaginus first. It is an alluring prize, if he is only thinking with his Interstellar Probe he will easily be drawn into the tain'tisphere of the Planet. Once the tain'tisphere is penetrated, he can't resist landing his Probe." When asked if his Probe and the Planet had any contact, Branson answered, "Uh, I don't know what your talking about... Uh, probe Urvaginus? Uh, no of course not... Uh, why do you ask?"

Urvaginus has been embroiled in controversy from the beginning of it's discovery. The Log Cabin Tea Baggers for Christ have denounce it as "Liberal Goddess Worshiping Pseudo-Socio-Commie-Science Propaganda," and claimed their Theostronomers had discovered Urpenis tucked tightly in the Tain'tisphere of Uranus.

Links:

NASA - Hubble Space Telescope - http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/hubble/science/asteroid-20100202.html

University of Arizona HiRISE Project: http://hirise.lpl.arizona.edu/PSP_007962_2635

DonJon Insights Wild Orgy in Wood Sexitarium

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - A letter written by Tiger "Long Baller" Woods and delivered to Moloch the Plutocracy titled, One Spew Over the Clitberry Bush, describes an outrageous orgy incited by DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of this pamphlet and his Publicist, Harry Martini, Founder of Handled Messiahs Public Relations.

Woods was committed to the Pine Grove Sexitarium for the Carnally Corrupt in Hatisburg, MS., where, apparently, DonJon was admitted under the name Wandle Patwick McPwankster as a Registered Sex Offender on the planet Pandora.  Woods has disappeared from Pine Grove and has not be seen since.

The Full Text of the Letter Follows:

One Spew Over the Clitberry Bush

From: Chief "Long Baller" Woods

To: Moloch the Plutocracy

I was committed to the Repeatedly Repeat Offenders Wing of the Pine Grove Sexitarium for the Carnally Corrupt for spewing my wad into more hookers, porn stars, gold diggers, groupies and roadies than my combined lifetime score in golf. The place is dismal in it's impotent beauty, sterile in it's lack of sexual emotion, decorated with refined monotone furnishings and bland facsimiles of art to appear inanimate and removed from the luscious movements of life. An impression that disguises the fact that it houses to the most perverted sex addicts and offenders in the Multiverse. 

READ THE FULL STORY ON CERTIFIED VAGINA WHISPERERS ASSOCIATION

DonJon Announces Virgin Joint Venture to Penetrate Urvaginus

"I am concerned Urvaginus will tease our probe as we enter the Tain'tisphere and deny entry to her Planetary Labia,"  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy and MoVaginal Chairman of The Certified Vagina Whisperers Association (CVWA), announced a joint venture with Sir Richard "The De-Virginator" Branson to land an Interstellar Probe on Urvaginus within the decade.  

Asstrologists at MoBoho University recently discovered the New Planet while exploring the Tain'tisphere of Uranus.  "We had no idea what was at the other end," claims MoBoho Senior Asstrologist, Dr. Dick Hurtz. 

The New Corporation, dubbed MoVirgin Inter-Urvaginus, is devoted to the exploration of the Mons Pubis laden Planet.  Branson, a pioneer in Intergalactic Travel and renowned De-Virginator,  has dedicated his largest Probe to the the venture, named the Probus-Mons-Pubis Intergalactic Pleasure Ship.  "We will penetrate Urvaginus from every Angle with our Pleasure Ship until we are Satisfied," states Branson. 

Initial tests of Branson's Probe resulted in premature fuel tank ejaculation.  "The Probe was stroked and ready for Interstellar Penetration, but couldn't hold it's tanks," claims Branson.    

DonJon will lead an Expeditionary Battalion of Certified Vagina Whisperers, known as the Fighting Carpet Munchers, to land Urvaginus.  "She will not be easy to land," states DonJon, "I am concerned Urvaginus will tease our probe as we enter the Tain'tisphere and deny entry to her Planetary Labia." 

In a related story, the Log Cabin Tea Baggers for Christ (LogBaggers4C) have retained the services of Professor Bimm, Mad Pseudo-Scientist and Living Root Vegetable, to disprove the existence of Urvaginus.  The LogBaggers4Cs have denounce the planetary discovery as "Liberal Goddess Worshiping Pseudo-Socio-Commie-Science Propaganda," and denounced DonJon as a "Clitoral Fascist." 

"If anyone can disprove the existence of Urvaginus, It is Professor Bimm," states the LogBaggers4C spokesperson, Hymie Hyman.  Professor Bimm works at Harvard University's Ivory Basement diabolically plotting to negate the life's work of the Good Citizens of the World.

Links:

University of Arizona HiRISE Project: http://hirise.lpl.arizona.edu/PSP_007962_2635

Supreme Court Announces Initial Public Stock Offering

"These Justices are Supreme Plutocratic Assholes," DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - The Supreme Court of the United States has registered with the Securities and Exchange Commission for an Initial Public Stock Offering (IPO) under the name SCOTUS, Inc.  The Company will be traded on the Atlantic City Stock Exchange (ACX) under the symbol SCOTUS. "We are excited to allow the Free Market to determine the value of American Justice," states Antonin "Big Tone" Scalia, Chairman of SCOTUS, Inc.

Wall Street Investment Banking firm Goldman Sachs O'Money is the Lead Underwriter in the 'Too Large to Fail Banking Syndicate,' commonly referred to as the FailSafe.  Goldman CEO and Grand Master of the Multiverse, Lloyd "BlankCheck" Blankfein, confirmed, "Goldman Sachs O'Money, Bank of We Own America, JPMorgan Chase If You Want It Back, and Merrill Lynch Anyone That Tries is the FailSafe Syndicate underwriting all American Justice offerings."

The Success of the SCOTUS Offering is expected to unleash a torrent of Justice IPO's.  FailSafe Syndicate Press secretary, Rufus Tufus, claimed, "The Fuck'n Justice Bull is rag'n... da Offer'ns Sold Out... Justice be da Next Great American Bubble."

Both the Third and Fifth Courts of Appeal have retained the FailSafe Syndicate for due diligence reviews on their books to determine valuations.  "I expect all 11 Appeals Courts and most of the 94 District Courts will go public within the next two years," claims Blankfien.

The SCOTUS, Inc. Prospectus states, "funds raised by the Initial Public Offering will be invested in the SCOTUS Free Speech Futures Trading Desk on the Unalienable Rights Mercantile Exchange (RiteX)."  A recent Supreme Court ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Elections Commission conferred Corporate Citizens, Labor Unions and Organizations the same free speech rights as Natural Citizens.  The Ruling reversed a One Hundred Year Precedent.

The RiteX temporarily halted trading when 90-Day-US-Free-Speech Futures Contracts (US-Frees) tripled in value to $1,209.21 per syllable from $398.21 in three hours.  "The Business of Justice has changed, It requires a much greater investment in US Free Speech to maintain Market Share," offers Scallia, "SCOTUS, Inc. will be the Market Leader in Free Speech 

Trading.  

Asked for comment, DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, offered, "These Justices are Supreme Plutocratic Assholes.  Free Speech is not a commodity purchasable by the highest Bidder!" 

NOTES:

1. New York Times - Justices Overturn Key Campaign Limits
2. The Washing Post - The Supreme Court removes important limits on campaign finance
3. AlterNet - Supreme Court's 'Radical and Destructive' Decision Hands Over Democracy to the Corporations
4. Citizen Works - Why Corporate Personhood Matters and What it Means

Commodities Exchange Halts Trading on Free Speech

"...the Voice of the People has been diminished to White Noise behind the Concert of Corporate Speech," DonJon.

Yesterday the Unalienable Rights Mercantile Exchange (RiteX) temporarily halted trading in US Free Speech after the price more than tripled in three hours.  The Stampeding Bull Market was released by the recent Supreme Court ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Elections Commission conferring Corporate Citizens, Labor Unions and Organizations the same free speech rights as Natural Citizens.  The Ruling reversed a One Hundred Year Precedent.

At the RiteX Opening Bell the price of 90-Day-US-Free-Speech Futures Contracts (US-Frees) were $398.21 per syllable, three hours into the trading day they had tripled to $1,209.21 before the RiteX abruptly halted trading.  Free Speech Commodities Trader, Rufus Tufus, was in the trading pit when the frenzy began, "Dog, it was Fuck'n Crazy... Every 'G' wus long dong'n US Frees... We talk'n Big Mu'thur Fuck'n Bling."

RiteX Commissioner, Former President George "Waterboy" Bush, stated, "Ah, speech is free... The market is free... ah, I am free, ah... You are free.  Ah, Watch what you say if you want to stay free, he he."  Asked when the RiteX would resume trading US Frees, the RiteX Commissioner said, "Aaahhh, It's Closed?"

US Free Speech brokers have reported that Worldwide Buy Orders have poured in from New World Order Corporate Citizens.  "Ah, anyone should be able to buy US Free Speech, not just US Citizens, or something," the RiteX Commissioner added.

In a related statement, DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, denounced the ruling as, "A travesty, the Voice of the People has been diminished to White Noise behind the Concert of Corporate Speech." 

NOTES:

1. New York Times - Justices Overturn Key Campaign Limits
2. The Washing Post - The Supreme Court removes important limits on campaign finance
3. AlterNet - Supreme Court's 'Radical and Destructive' Decision Hands Over Democracy to the Corporations
4. Citizen Works - Why Corporate Personhood Matters and What it Means

$100 Million IM-assFucking for Haiti Announced

"The International Monetary System seeks to force it's will on the Impoverished of the World, enslaving them in the Plutocracy's factories, plants and farms harvesting Profit,"  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - The International Monetary assFuckers (IM-assF) have announced a New $100 Million IM-assFucking for Haiti.  The Devastated Country was previously IM-assFucked for $165 Million.  This IM-assFucking came with the usual Friendly Humanitarian Conditions, including raising prices for electricity, refusing pay increases to all public employees and privatization of everything potentially profitable.

The new IM-assFucking was made through their Extended Credit Facility, "We are aware that some think the IM-assFuck should be a Grant, but we don't IM-assFuck that way," states Dominique "Ass-Con" Strauss-Kahn, Managing DickRectum of the IM-assF.  Further qualifying, "This Extended IM-assFucking is Long Term with Zero Interest, Similar to what the Haitians have experienced for Two Centuries." 

In a related statement, DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, offered "The International Monetary System seeks to force it's will on the Impoverished of the World, enslaving them in the Plutocracy's factories, plants and farms harvesting Profit." 

DonJon released a video statement on Haiti on Thursday's Edition of Moloch the Plutocracy.  (See Below)

NOTES:

1. International Monetary Fund - Home Page
2. The Washing Post - The Supreme Court removes important limits on campaign finance
3. AlterNet - Supreme Court's 'Radical and Destructive' Decision Hands Over Democracy to the Corporations
4. Citizen Works - Why Corporate Personhood Matters and What it Means
5. Los Angeles Times - 

DonJon Releases Video Statement on Haiti

"We are the Human Disaster..." DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - In a Video Statement submitted to Moloch the Plutocracy, Eccentric Publisher, DonJonVonavich Proposed that the Haitian People take steps to becoming the first Cooperative Nation State and declare Haiti a Plutocratic & Governmental-Free-Zone.

Below is the Full Transcript of his Statement:

With Great Humility, I offer these words with the Hope that Human Kind will one day accept the loss of Human Life in Haiti not as a Natural Disaster, but another in a long history of preventable Human Disasters.

After Two Centuries of Imperial and Capitalist abuse Haiti was a disaster looking for it's time to happen. The World Economic Body knew the Haitian People were hungry, but saw no profit in Self Subsistence. The World Political body knew the Haitian People lived precariously on an active fault line, but saw no votes in Safe Domiciles. The World Citizenry knew the Haitian People suffered great Human indignity, but saw no luxury in caring. Rather Haitians were looked upon by the Capitalist First World as rotting human refuse, "Out of Sight and Out of Mind."

The Human Disaster is not of the Haitian People, for Human Perseverance transcends Greed and the Dignity of their struggle is a salve on our diseased Humanity; Our charitable gifts, words and thoughts a mere clamber for Salvation. The Human Disaster is not of Capitalist Nations that over-consume enough to feed the famished, to quench the parched, and to shelter the precarious.

Rather, We are the Human Disaster, comfortably accepting a system that distinguishes Human Worth on Material Wealth. We are the Human Disaster, thanklessly accepting the Blessings of The Enlightenment, yet considering ourselves above Equal. We are the Human Disaster, seeking Self Actualization through wanton destruction of our Planet and our Race.

We live in a World of Abundance that has been Privatized into Profitable Scarcity. We allow a baseless system of Monetary Measure to prevent the distribution of Abounding Resources. Rather Human Productivity, Natural Resources and Modern Technology sit idle awaiting Profit's Command. Was there not enough Willing Labor, Materials and Technology to protect the Haitian People? As we now see there is and there was. The only Scarce Resource was Human Compassion.

The surviving Haitian People, struggling Rescue Workers, and meager Medical Staff are in the midst of an Epic Human Battle. They have transcended the Ordinary and entered a World of Simple Duality where Charity is Good and Profit is Evil, where Unity is Good and Separatism is Evil, a World where ones's Humanity is measured by doing that which is Good and Obvious, or Evil and Odious. It is Obvious that waiting for the Moment of Disaster was Evil. It is Odious that the Common Good of all Humanity is not given it's Full Measure. Natural Disasters will continue unabated, but Human Disasters will end only when we accept the responsibility of Being Human.

I Propose we take a First Test of Our Humanity; That Haiti be declared a Non-Plutocratic-Zone. That it become the First Cooperative Nation State; A Unity of National and Local Cooperatives organized to achieve Economic Humanism, Owned and Operated by those that labor to serve their Community. A Cooperative Economy neither controlled by a Central Marxist Government nor Private Capitalist Profiteers. A Cooperative Economy where all resources, Natural, Industrial and Technical, accrue to the benefit of the People.

I Propose we take a Second Test of Our Humanity; That Haiti be declared a Non-Governmental-Zone. That we promote a Decentralized Cooperative Anarchist Nation operated by Citizen Technocrats, Scientists, Engineers, Doctors and Other Practitioners rather than Politicians. And that they serve the People by means of The Scientific Method. A Sovereign Cooperative Nation that has no Armed Military, no International Allegiances, and no Political agenda. A Sovereign Cooperative Citizenry with a Common Human Obligation to treat thy Neighbor as thyself with Equality of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

I Propose we take a Final Test of Our Humanity; That we, the People of the World who seek a more Human Being, commit fully to the Haitian People in this Bold Journey; That from this demoralized, uneducated, and poverty stricken people a New Enlightenment will take birth and flourish throughout this Planet.

Thank You!

New Planet Discovered in Uranus Tain'tisphere

"Urvaginus will change the way we look at Uranus!  I know, I've been looking a lot," DonJon, Dean of Students, MoBoho University.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - In an astonishing discovery Asstrologists at MoBoho University have discovered a New Planet nestled in the Tain'tisphere of Uranus.  The new planet has been dubbed by DonJonVonavich, Dean of Students, as "Urvaginus."  Hailed by DonJon as a "Life Affirming Discovery,"  he added, "Trust me, I am going to live long enough to land this Mons Pubis laden Planet."

But not everyone is celebrating the discovery, the Log Cabin Tea Baggers for Christ, referred to as LogBaggers4C, have denounce it as "Liberal Goddess Worshiping Pseudo-socio-commie-science Propaganda," and denounced DonJon as a "Clitoral Fascist."  Claiming their Theostrologists have discovered a "Planetary Package" tucked tightly between the Tain'tisphere of the New Planet, the Spokesman for LogBaggers4C, Hymie Hyman, stated "This is clear evidence of Intelligent Design, rather as God would have it, we have 'Urpenis'."

Links:

University of Arizona HiRISE Project: http://hirise.lpl.arizona.edu/PSP_007962_2635

Certified Vagina Whisperers of American: CVWAA

Donate CVWAA

Dynamic Duo Tapped to Protect World Capital in Haiti

"We have another natural disaster of biblical proportions and, once again, capital floods a sovereign people's life... the capital will demand a profitable return and the Haitian people will continue their long history of enslavement." DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - The President "Hopie" Obama announced that America's Dynamic Pluto-Duo, The Triangulator and Puppet Boy, will be the official Face of profitization efforts in Haiti. "We don't know the true identity of these 'Avengers of Capital Destruction,' but we do know they will protect the Plutocrats of the World from a non-profit Haitian 'voodoo' economy," stated the President. 

The Triangulator, known for his super human ability for double talk, stated, "They can escape their history and build a better future.”  Casually claiming, “The Haitians want to just amend their development plan to take account of what's happened in Port-au-Prince and west.”  In Triangulation speak this translates to, "We have a clean slate, local government is wiped out, the citizens are desperate and the real estate is cleared for development." 

Concerned that profits on blankets and water would be diminished, Puppet Boy stated, "I know a lot of people want to send blankets or water," adding a pitch for investment capital, "Just send your cash!"   Puppet Boy became an American Super Pluto-Hero when he was successfully dispatched to locate Venture Terrorist for the War on Terror.

In a related statement, DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, stated, "We have another natural disaster of biblical proportions and, once again, capital floods a sovereign people's life.  After the media has sated it's hunger for marketable content and the public relations benefits of corporate altruism fades, the capital will demand a profitable return and the Haitian people will continue their long history of enslavement."  

"Prior to recent events Haiti was a humanitarian crises and natural disaster waiting to happen, where were the mass efforts to raise the standard of living, to build safe domiciles and to respect them as Human Beings deserving of the full benefits of Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of happiness?"

NOTES:

Democracy Now! - Naomi Klein Issues Haiti Disaster Capitalism Alert: Stop Them Before They Shock Again

http://www.democracynow.org/2010/1/14/naomi_klein_issues_haiti_disaster_capitalism

Washington Post - From Haiti's ruins, a chance to rebuild a nation -  http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/16/AR2010011601848.html?hpid=topnews

The Peoples Voice - Disaster Capitalism Headed to Haiti - http://www.thepeoplesvoice.org/TPV3/Voices.php/2010/01/18/disaster-capitalism-headed-to-haiti

The Daily Beast - The Cynical Bush Clinton Show - http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-01-18/the-cynical-bush-clinton-show/2/

DonJon's Dead Father Eulogizes MLK, Jr

"World, I knew MLK, Jr., he was a friend of mine, and you are no MLK, Jr," NiccoloJonVonavich, Father of DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, has emerged from his annual Martin Luther King, Jr. Day cyperportation conference with his father, NiccoloJonVonavich (aka: Ralph Abernathy).  In a statement released by DonJon, his father eulogized King as, "A man before his time and beyond," stating, "World, I knew MLK, Jr., he was a friend of mine, and you are NO MLK, Jr."

NiccoloJonVonavich (aka: Ralph Abernathy) passed-over to the Next Dimension in 1981 and has been cyberporting annually on MLK, Jr. Day to conference with DonJon, his genetically dispossessed son.  

NicJon, renowned master grifter, befriended King while living in Montgomery prior to the 1955 Bus Boycott.  NicJon installed a central air conditioning unit in King's church, afterwards frequently visiting the reverend when he was in "Nigger Town," as the locals referred to the quaint Montgomery, Alabama neighborhood.  "NicJon calls him, One Cool Cat," states DonJon, adding, "I don't known if this is a reference to Dr. King's demeanor or his physical comfort."  

In a personal statement, DonJon asked that, "One day, in this great and privileged nation, we will honor Martin Luther King Jr. with the tribute that he, and we, so greatly deserve; that one day we declare this a day the Armys stands down, a day the Leaders contemplate equality, a day the People unit for Peace, a single glorious day of Non-violence, Equality and Unity."