Dick Army in Full Frontal Assault on Krotch Brothers

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - In an unexpected move for control of disinformation Chuckles and Davo Krotch, better known as the Krotch Brothers from their vaudeville days, are attempting to take over the Kato Kaelin Institute. Part of the institute is Goebbles FreedomWorks, a fixed markets for the rich/limited government for the people advocacy group.

Goebbles FreedomWorks has enlisted the help of Dick Army, the latest name iteration for the private mercenary company formerly known as Blackwater Worldwide, Xe Services, Academi, and Heavily Armed Assholes Ready to Shit on Your Parade Corporation.

Chuckles and Davo Krotch

A statement from Goebbles FreedomWorks delivered by Dick Army to Krotch Industries and Clownworks said, "As representatives of Goebbles FreedomWorks, a grassroots organization that fights for constitutionally-limited government for the people and individual freedom as defined by our propaganda, we have grave concerns regarding the potential damage to the Gauze of Liberty that will result from the dispute that has erupted between the Board of Directors of the Kato Kaelin Institute and various parties at Krotch Industries and Clownworks."

The Gauze of Liberty referred to in  the statement is a counter intelligence program (COINTELPRO) designed by Dick Army that protects the people from "truth terrorists" by limiting their access to "unpatriotic knowledge."




LINKS:
Huffingtonpost: Koch Brothers Cato Institute Takeover

New Planet Discovered in Uranus Tain'tisphere

"Urvaginus will change the way we look at Uranus!  I know, I've been looking a lot," DonJon, Dean of Students, MoBoho University.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - In an astonishing discovery Asstrologists at MoBoho University have discovered a New Planet nestled in the Tain'tisphere of Uranus.  The new planet has been dubbed by DonJonVonavich, Dean of Students, as "Urvaginus."  Hailed by DonJon as a "Life Affirming Discovery,"  he added, "Trust me, I am going to live long enough to land this Mons Pubis laden Planet."

But not everyone is celebrating the discovery, the Log Cabin Tea Baggers for Christ, referred to as LogBaggers4C, have denounce it as "Liberal Goddess Worshiping Pseudo-socio-commie-science Propaganda," and denounced DonJon as a "Clitoral Fascist."  Claiming their Theostrologists have discovered a "Planetary Package" tucked tightly between the Tain'tisphere of the New Planet, the Spokesman for LogBaggers4C, Hymie Hyman, stated "This is clear evidence of Intelligent Design, rather as God would have it, we have 'Urpenis'."

Links:

University of Arizona HiRISE Project: http://hirise.lpl.arizona.edu/PSP_007962_2635

Certified Vagina Whisperers of American: CVWAA

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - Eccentric Publisher to Tap Na'vi Porn

For Immediate Release

Handled Messiahs Public Relations

Harry Martini, PRA

Eccentric Publisher to Tap Na'vi Pornography

In his first foray into the pornography industry DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, has announced a venture to tap into the sexual excitement surrounding the blockbuster movie, Avatar, from self-declared "King of the World," James Cameron.

The research division of Moloch the Plutocracy has found that 18 million teenage boys have masturbated to Neytiri, Princess of Omaticayato. "It's the largest masturbatory phenomenon since Princess Leia Organa, Crown Princess of Alderaan," claims DonJon. Adding "Research indicates men in their sixties are still 'Viagraurbating' to Princess Leia, we foresee decades of profit on Neytriri."

Harry Martini of Handled Messiahs PR and DonJon's publicist claims, "It's the next big slice of porn pie, Na'vi blue beaver will make the Asian bukakki trend seem like a trickle." The multi-phase business strategy will include a Pandorian porn website, a Na'vi adult dating service and a mating service for Pandorian nationals looking to marry Americans.

Big Blue Pandoragina (www.bigbluepandoragina.com), a porn site billed as "All Blue - All Nude - All Na'vi," will launch next month featuring an exclusive all nude spread of Princess Neytiri. The adult dating site, Naughty Na'Vi (www.naughtynavi.com), is set for debut in the spring. The launch date for the Na'vi mating project has been delayed pending approval from US Homeland Security.

Contact Information:

Handled Messiahs Public Relations

Harry Martini, PRA

(405) 4-MOLOCH (65624)

blewkarma@gmail.com