Global Warming Out of Retirement, Top Contender for 2012 GDF Belt

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Global Warming, who claimed to be going into retirement from global destruction competition after racking up an impressive 15,000 American warm temperature records in March, is back. 

According to data from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, or NOAA, the globe recorded its warmest September on record, tying Global Warming’s own 2005 record. In addition, Global Warming pummeled Arctic Ice Cap in it’s annual summer bout bringing the ice to it’s knees and nearly taking it out of competition for good.

"You really thought I’d stay in retirement?" stated Global Warming, adding, "I'm the greatest global destroyer since Asteroid Impact won the belt in the Cretaceous-Paleogene Extinction Main Event back in 65ma ."


Now that Global Warming is officially out of retirement, it’s considered the leading contender to take the planet out in the Global Destruction Federation's (GDF) upcoming Mayan Prophesies 2012 Main Event. Global Warming’s return to competition has bumped Nuclear Fallout from the top seed in the GDF rankings.

In an interview with Famine, the retired antediluvian global destroyer, now an anchor on ESPN's Apocalypse Center, Nuclear Fallout claimed, “I was just sparring with Fukushima. With the nuclear arms race heat'in back up, Global Warming ain’t got noth’in on me.”

Since 2008 Societal Collapse has shown renewed vigor in pursuit of the GDF belt. Societal Collapse holds multiple championship titles including it’s unforgettable annihilation of the Mycenaean Kingdom, the Hittite Empire, and the New Kingdom of Egypt for the Bronze Age Collapse Title. It’s not surprising that Societal Collapse would return for the 2012 competition considering its destruction of the Mayan civilization in the Classic Maya Collapse Title bout.

“Societal Collapse can never be counted out,” states Famine. “It’s been misunderstood and underestimated for millennia. I think we’re seeing hints of a return in the ongoing European Union bout. Societal Collapse is known to sneak up on its opponents.”