Romney Running Mate Measured for Magic Underpants

"It’s the end of the world, DonJon knows it. And I go commando."  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Within twenty-four hours of being selected as Mitt “Instert Nickname Here” Romney’s Vice Presidential running mate Paul Ryan was measured for his Mormon Magic Underpants. The temple garments are worn by adherents to the Church of Latter Day Saints to protect them from the evils of the world and liberals.

Although non-Mormons are not typically allowed to wear the garment, church elders have made an exception for Ryan. “The magic nipple twisting ball binders must make it to the White House,” a senior elder exclaimed. “Ryan is a tightie-whitie man, so it will take some getting used to for him.”

Not since Nancy Reagan insisted her husband wear pantyhose emblazoned with the Signs of the Zodiac under his suit pants has a President relied on the magic of undergarments to perform their duties. The shame street media has been negligent in demanding that Obama produce a pair  of his underwear to prove his garment persuasion. Birther Queen, Orly “Give it Up Bitch” Taitz, has suggested that Obama wears sambazas, the second hand underwear worm by Kenyan men.

The Bohemian underground is awash with rumors that DonJon Vonavich, Eccentric Editor of Moloch the Plutocracy, will announce his bid for President of the United States at MoCarnival on August 19th. When contacted for comment on what magic may swell from his underpants, he offered, “It’s the end of the world, Donjon knows it. And I go commando.”