GOP Revives Reagan Morning in America Theme with Honky Twist

"It’s the end of the world, Donjon knows it. And all chocolate is going down with it."  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - The Romney campaign announced that it will be reviving Ronald Reagan’s famous 1984 campaign theme, “Morning in America.” With the addition of Paul “Ayn” Ryan to the republican ticket the campaign is attempting to solidify it’s conservative base. The new variation on the tried and true theme, “Morning in Honky Town,” is certain to excite Reagan ‘sycop-fans.’

Moloch the Plutocracy's Senior Conservative Reporter, Billy Jim Bob Whitehead, caught up with Vice Presidential hopeful Paul Ryan at the Romney/Ryan campaign headquarters by the ‘White Only’ water cooler.

Billy Jim Bob: “Who are you speaking to with the new campaign message?”

Ryan: “Clearly we feel that America’s best days are behind us. But, not for long. Americans remember the 1950’s when everyone prospered.” The candidate said putting his Confederate Flag Dixie cup under the spout for some cool clear water.

Billy Jim Bob: “So you feel this message speaks to all Americans?”

Ryan: “Of course it does. America is a great melting pot, and our campaign is willing to the hard work of melting it down into a consistently sweet and rich white chocolate. What patriot doesn’t like white chocolate?”

Billy Jim Bob: “What about nuts? I’ve never seen a white chocolate bar with nuts.”

Ryan: “This is true, Billy Jim Bob, nuts are only in milk or dart chocolate.”

Billy Jim Bob: “What is the campaigns stance on milk chocolate?”

Ryan: “As you know Billy Jim Bob, God considers milk chocolate an abomination, especially with nuts.”

Billy Jim Bob: “Dark chocolate has always been a difficult sell in American. What is the campaigns stance on the advancement of dark chocolate?”

Ryan: “Big Government has been subsidizing the dark chocolate industry for a long time at the expense of the budget for white chocolate. Mitt Romney stands by the Mormon values he learned as a child, both dark chocolate and milk chocolate were cursed until 1978 when the LDS church declared that God had removed the curse. Apparently God got himself a little taste of the dark stuff.”

Billy Jim Bob: “Congressman Ryan, that’s all the time we have today. Thank you and we will be following you on the campaign trail.”

Ryan: “You are welcome, anytime.”

Billy Jim Bob: “... Oh, can you direct me to the white bathroom?”

The Bohemian underground is awash with rumors that DonJon Vonavich, Eccentric Editor of Moloch the Plutocracy, will announce his bid for President of the United States at MoCarnival on August 19th. When contacted for comment on what chocolate he prefers, he offered, “It’s the end of the world, Donjon knows it. And all chocolate is going down with it.”