The Holy Randian Church of Profit Founded

"Human progress will remain stagnant until this system is replaced with one that values sustainability, equality, and compassion,"  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - Only days after Goldman Sachs O'Money released the sacred text for the most widely accepted 'faith' on Earth, Capitalism, they have announced the formation of the Holy Randian Church of Profit.  Goldman CEO and Grand Master of the Multiverse, Lloyd "BlankCheck" Blankfein claims that the "One True God, Profit," summoned him to the roof of Goldman Sachs Tower in Jersey City, New Jersey and delivered the Ten Commandments of Capitalism.

In a statement released by Goldman, they revealed that "In addition to the Commandments, Our Lord God Profit reveled that Ayn Rand of Greed is the Messiah foretold in the Old Testament, she has risen from the dead to declare she is the 'ego of life, the light to riches, the door to the wolf, the selfish shepherd, the resurrection and greed, the way, the truth, and the life, and the path to Profit.'  We now have our Trinity and our Church."

The Holy Randian Church of Profit declared their "Trinity of Profit" the singular path to economic salvation.  Defined as one God, "The Profit, The Ego, and the Holy Ghost of Mammon," is worshiped as a the Godhead of the church.  In church doctrine, The Holy Ghost of Mammon functions within the monetary system and transfers wealth from the "unwashed masses" through Rand, the Ego, to the Father, Profit.  

Asked for comment, DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of Moloch the Plutocracy, declared, "Rand is cannot even be considered a false prophet, she is merely a 'profit center.'  It is time the People study the economic system that has been taken as gospel for so long.  Profit, as it is defined in our current monetary system, promotes famine, violence, social decay, and ultimately the destruction of the planet.  Human progress will remain stagnant until this system is replaced with one that values sustainability, equality, and compassion." 


Crooks & Liars Friends - Please Leave a Quick Comment - I Need Feedback... TKS, DonJon.

NOTES:

Matt Tiabbi - The Lunatics Who Made a Religion Out of Greed and Wrecked the Economy