Saturday, October 30, 2010

Landmark NYC Hotel Chelsea Up for Sale, Is DonJon a Buyer?

Too Large to Fail Banks Acquire Too Small to Save Homeowners

"The banks manipulated the so called free market with their out-weighted influence in the mortgage industry and American Homeowners are paying the price in foreclosed homes, lost jobs, and devastated families,"  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - In response to the mortgage foreclosure crisis the Too Large to Fail Banking Syndicate, commonly referred to as the FailSafe, has confirmed they will no longer put families out of their homes.  The new foreclosure procedure announced by the syndicate allows home owners to stay in their homes as indentured servants to the mortgage holder.  


Goldman Sachs O'Money, Bank of We Own America, JPMorgan Chase If You Want It Back, and Merrill Lynch Anyone That Tries makes up the FailSafe Syndicate developing the Indentured Families Fund that will hold the assets.  "The Indentured Families Fund is a win win for both homeowners and banks, families stay in their homes and the banks acquire added security in the form of Human assets," stated Jamie "TopGun" Dimon, CEO and chairman of JPMorgan Chase If You Want It Back.


The failure to properly document many mortgages during the Housing Inflation Program, commonly referred to as the housing bubble, has informed the FailSafe to take precautions documenting the acquisition of their new human assets.  "We are looking to our colonial forebears for our legal precedent." claims Dimon, "indentured servitude is a proven pathway to the American dream, we are proud to help these families once again."  The families will be required to serve the FailSafe Syndicate in maintaining the vast residential holdings that make up their Plutocratic Land Patent.  It is estimated that the FailSafe Syndicate controls nearly 60% of all residential property via their mortgage holdings. 


The FailSafe was responsible for the inflation in home prices resulting in the rash of homeowner defaults by approving mortgages of any individual that told sufficient lies to support the loan request.  Dimon explains, "the free market can assess the truth and value it, we saw no need to ask prying questions such as income verification."  


One of the most aggressive mortgage vehicles was the Crackhead Liars Loan, "we found a very profitable market in crackheads," claims Dimon, "they were the most convincing liars, repeat borrowers, and take any amount we approved on their homes."  It is unsure how the FailSafe will handle tweaking crackheads within the Indentured Homeowners Fund.


Wall Street Investment Banking firm Goldman Sachs O'Money has announced plans to create Indentured Servant Backed Securities.  Goldman CEO and Grand Master of the Multiverse, Lloyd "BlankCheck" Blankfein, confirmed, "We will parse the assets into various baskets of indentured servants depending on skills and ability and sell them to the same unwitting buyers of our mortgage securities."  

 

Asked for comment, DonJon, Eccentric Publisher of this pamphlet stated, "The banks manipulated the so called free market with their out-weighted influence in the mortgage industry and American Homeowners are paying the price in foreclosed homes, lost jobs, and devastated families."







NOTES:

Alternet: http://www.alternet.org/economy/148520/foreclosure_fraud:_wall_street_cheats_the_middle_class_again/



Saturday, October 23, 2010

Angelina Jolie's Purported Old Drug Dealer Tells All About Her Heroin & Cocaine Habit


dennisrs:



Why would you think that a drug dealer would be any less honest then, lets say, an actor or lawyer or butcher. I lived next door to Frank in the Chelsea Hotel when I first moved in. Although, I never saw her, it was widely known in the Chelsea community that Frank's celebrity clients included Angelina. One night I came home and the DEA was taking him away, the hallway piled with his things, including guns. Frank was well liked in the Hotel. I assume Angelina either found a new dealer or kicked.



Best,



DonJon.

Eccentric Publisher, Moloch the Plutocracy

http://mol­ochtheplut­ocracy.us
About Angelina Jolie
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Friday, October 15, 2010

Hopie Says Nopie to Dopie

"Woa dude, I'm way too fucked up to comment,"  DonJon.

Chelsea Hotel (MP) - 


Attorney General Eric "MC AG" Holder says the federal government will enforce its marijuana laws in California even if voters next month make the state the first in the nation to legalize the drug. "Yo Yo, President Hopie has said nopie to dopie," stated Holder.


The Justice Department strongly opposes California's Proposition 19 and remains firmly committed to enforcing the federal Controlled Substances Act in all states, Holder wrote in a letter to former Drug Czars.  "We will enforce the CSA, against my homies in LA, and the big ass state of CA. This bro ain't no DJ, I'm the General of the DA, with a loud mighty PA... we don't care about no MDMA, no E, no O, no H, no K, GHB, 2CB, 2C1PDA or CCC.  The law is calling me to stop the THC."


If California's voting stoners approve the ballot measure, the state would become the first to legalize and regulate recreational dro, cronic, mowie wowie, purple haze, afgani, amsterdam gold, special K, white rino, white skunk, hardy brown eye, juicy jumble weed, lickity split, green sanchez, turd blossom special, and other strains of cannabis with dumb ass names.  Adults could possess up to one ounce of the drug and grow small gardens on private property.


He said the ballot measure's passage would "significantly undermine" efforts to keep California communities safe.  The recent government study titled Refer Madness 3D, paints a horrifying picture of teens on pot, gasping for air with laughter, thinking of mind numbing ideas, and glorifying how stoned they are. 


In a statement released by DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of the Pamphlet, he stated, "Woa dude, I'm way too fucked up to comment," DonJon.
  


NOTES:

New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/10/15/us/AP-US-Marijuana-Legalization-Justice.html?_r=1&hp





Thursday, October 14, 2010

Peter Joseph, Director of Zeitgeist, Talks About Economic Collapse

I think this is worth the time for everyone.  Peter has a solid grasp on what is coming our way.


Listen to internet radio with Peter Joseph on Blog Talk Radio


Churlish Captain Capitalism Saves Miners in Mere 69 Days

"The Churlish Captain Capitalism has lost his mind if he thinks this human disaster is a victory for Capitalism. These miners were working a dangerous job at low wages to make assholes like him rich.  It is the typical capitalist story of wage slavery."  DonJon.

(READER NOTE: This article is in response to an opinion post in the Wall Street Journal titled, Capitalism Saved Miners, by Daniel Henninger)


Chelsea Hotel (MP) - The Churlish Captain Capitalism & Executive Sidekick, Dale the Driller, saved the Chilean miners using their free-market super hero tools.  "It needs to be said," stated The Captain, "The rescue is a smashing victory for free-market capitalism and myself.  It may seem churlish of me, but then again, I am the Churlish Captain Capitalism."  


Thirty three miners working in the San Jose mine owned by Compania Minera San Esteban were rescued after 69 days.  The timing corresponded with the quarterly reporting for the company, "We felt it would improve stockholder return to have our human resources out by the end of the quarter," stated a spokesperson for the corporation, adding, "The market doesn't respond well to dead miners."


The Churlish Captain Capitalism, sporting his double Center Cock drill heads, used for down-the-hole hammer drilling, was able to penetrate the miners enclosed space.  "The Chilean miners have never experienced down-the-hole hammer drilling the Capitalist way," declared the Captain.



Stating that capitalism is the hero in the saga of the Chilean miners, the Captain offered, "The Capitalist exploitation = shareholder profit = innovation dynamic was everywhere at that Chilean mine.  The mine owners have already secured licensing rights to the folk songs they wrote while waiting to die."


Dale the Driller, Executive Sidekick to the Churlish Captain Capitalism, used capitalist super hero drilling techniques to reach the miners.  After completing the down-the-hole hammer drilling, the miners were strapped into a harness inside a 21-inch-wide bullet-shaped capsule.  They wore green moisture-resistant Nike track suits and Oakley sunglasses provided by the sponsors of the rescue.


Exclaiming the success of the rescue as a victory for Capitalism, the Captain claimed, "If those miners had been trapped a half-mile down like this 35 years ago, this Banana Republic would have had to use bed sheets tied together.  But rampant Capitalism in Chile, thanks to a patriotic CIA who secretly placed the revered Augusto Pinochet in power, provided these miners with this profitable rescue experience."  

The miners concurred that the great success of Capitalism had impacted their lives.  "It was Capitalism that gave me the opportunity of spending 55 years of my life underground," Mario Gómez, the oldest of the miners at 64, declared."  In a show of appreciation, The miners came out of the mine singing the Anthem of Capitalism,



We love you Capitalism
Oh yes we do
We love you Capitalism
And will be true!
When you're give'n it to us
A hardy screw!
Oh, Capitalism, we love you....  


In a show of Capitlist love the newly freed miners were given socks before reporting by to work to make up for lost time on the job.



In a statement released by DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of the Pamphlet, he stated, "The Churlish Captain of Capitalism has lost his mind if he thinks this human disaster is a victory for Capitalism. These miners were working a dangerous job at low wages to make assholes like him rich.  It is the typical capitalist story of wage slavery." 



NOTES:

Wall Street Journal, Capitalism Saved Miners, by Daniel Henninger: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703673604575550322091167574.html

New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/15/world/americas/15copiapo.html?src=mv

The Business Insider: http://www.businessinsider.com/time-for-everyone-to-cash-in-on-the-chilean-miners-saga-2010-10

US Intervention in Chile, Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_intervention_in_Chile

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Judge Over Rules Military "It's Only Gay if You Take it" Policy

"It is hard to believe that people are still judging personal sex lives?  Get over it children, it is all very normal."  DonJon.


Chelsea Hotel (MP) - A federal judge issued a worldwide injunction Tuesday immediately stopping enforcement of the military's long held policy on homosexuality, "it's only gay if you take it."  The ruling allows those that take it in-the-ass to openly serve their fellow troops.  U.S. District Judge Virginia "Fag Hag" Phillips' landmark ruling also ordered the government to allow federal workers to take it in-the-ass openly.  She stated, "their are givers and takers in every exchange, now the 'ass-takers' can publicly and patriotically be reamed." 


The Chairman of The Joint Chiefs of Staff, Adm. Mike "Butt Sniffer" Mullen, the military's top uninformed officer, decried the decision, "The American People don't have a right to know they have... ah hum... who has been taking it in-the-ass from the Joint Chiefs."  The President, Barak "Hopie" Obama, supported the ruling.  Speaking to an assembly of The Union of Federal Ass-takers in Government Service (U-FAGS) stated, "U-FAGS can now proudly and openly take it in-the-ass for the country."  Laughing he added, "I understand, I have privately taken it in-the-ass many times since becoming President... like the entire health care lobby."


U.S. Department of Justice attorneys have 60 days to appeal. Pentagon and Department of Justice officials said they are reviewing the case and had no immediate comment.  The injunction goes into effect immediately, said Dan "Lumbering" Woods, the attorney who represented the Log Cabin Republican Ass-Takers for Christ, the right wing Christian fundimentalist ass-takers rights group that filed the lawsuit in 2004 to stop the policy's enforcement.

"'It's only gay if you take it,' is done, and the government is going to have to come up with another qualifier for gayness," Woods said. "This is an extremely significant, historic decision. Once and for all, this failed policy is stopped. Fortunately now we hope all Americans who wish to take it-in-the-ass for their country can do so openly."

Supporters of the policy said Phillips overstepped her bounds.  "The judge ignored the evidence to impose her ill-informed and biased opinion on our military, endangering morale, health and security of our military at a time of occupation of oil rich territory in the Middle East," said Wendy "No K-Y for me"  Wright, Sphincter Monitor of Concerned Women for America Who Want Even Touch Their Own Ass, a women's group on public ass-taking policy. 

Defense Secretary Robert Gates, has said he supports lifting the "it's only gay if you take it" policy. But Gates also has said he prefers to move slowly, "I don't take it, I give it, and good, very good and slow in-the-ass."  Gates has ordered a sweeping study, due Dec. 1, that includes a survey of troops and their families regarding in-the-ass habits, "The study is exciting.  I am looking forward to knowing if they likes it in-the-ass... yes, do they like it in-the-ass... tell me, tell how much they like it in-the-ass."

In a statement released by DonJonVonavich, Eccentric Publisher of the Pamphlet, he stated, "It is hard to believe that people are still judging personal sex lives?  Get over it children, it is all very normal." 


NOTES:

New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/10/12/us/AP-US-Gays-in-Military.html?_r=1&hp